No Modesty Towel Today, Sir?

“Then Jessie handed me the modesty towel”

When I first started this journey some three weeks ago I had no idea as to how I was going to physically do it. My thought was to deal with it one day at a time. I recently read something by a famous writer who used an analogy of driving a car at night to describe writing. As I look back on the last fifteen days, I see the same similarity. “It’s like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. You don’t have to see where you’re going; you don’t have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you.”

A treatment plan that took almost all summer to decide on is near its end. Today marks day fifteen of the sixteen day plan. I went to treatment today with mixed emotions. Firstly, I went with a sense of relief that I am almost done. And secondly, I went with the feeling that somehow I will miss going every day. (I know my therapists are going to think I am a really sick person when they see this comment) But that is not saying that I love that rectal balloon anymore than I did on day one. What I am saying is that going to therapy every day means that I am actively engaged in combat with the villain. That not going everyday tend to imply that I’m waiting for the next round or to see if the fight is over, for good. (That was profound, yes?)

Besides all that, I have become really comfortable with my therapy team. When I first started I was embarrassed pulling my pants down around my ankles in front of them. (You know, assume the position) But by day fifteen that was old hat. Fact is, I arrived this morning, got into the therapy room, dropped my pants and underwear and didn’t even use the modesty towel. There I was, up on the table and with not an ounce of embarrassment. Then Jessie handed me the modesty towel, reminding me that I needed to cover up my stuff. That’s how comfortable have become with them. My other “peoples.”

“…has given me the inner strength to look at myself…”

My journey with the treatment plan has been a real growth process for me. As I said yesterday,it has been both a learning process as well as a revealing process. In addition to my therapy team, I have a lot of people to thank for that. I want get to naming names for fear that I will leave someone out. Anyways, thank all of you for reading about all my experiences. Writing has given me the inner strength to look at myself in relationship to the grand order of things in life. Early on I told myself that whatever came out of all this would make me a better and stronger person. I meditated a lot about the possible outcomes while at the same time strongly believing that what was going to happen will happen. My job will be to take what happens and figure out what that has to do with the grand order of things in life.

I’m up, Later!